Why I'm dancing when I can't even rack the ball

I heard today that there were many comments made on the DWTS website about the Stars.  I asked about what people were saying about me and they said the best ones were that I was danced great considering my condition. The worst was a guy that seemed to be a pool player complaining that I go to tournaments complaining that I can't rack because of my back. .. and then here I
am dancing?  I never feel like answering to people that are obviously not fans nor do they care about me or want to actually hear an answer.  They are just hateful to complain on such a positive show. I do, however,  think it's a good topic. I thought it would be nice to share with those that DO matter.  I had/have fairly severe scoliosis. I also have bursitis in both shoulders so it grinds when I use them. I have trochenteric bursitis in both hips. It hurts to walk or lay on my dide. I have deteriorated discs in my neck which cause pain in my neck but also affects my nerves so I get nerve pain. I  have two deteriorated discs in my lower back L5 and L6 and I've been laying on my right side because my left leg hurts.  I have some neurological damage in my left leg and hips. It means my leg/hips at times feels really cold, sometimes itchy, throbbing, numb, needley, aching... in any combination of those. I have Parsonage Turner Syndrome, which means that I have pain, tingling and weakness in my upper left extremities including my neck, shoulder, armpit, inside of my arm straight down into the palm of my hand. Raising my arm above my heart hurts and feels like someone is trying to pull my arm off. I cannot lay down without pain. It has been painful to lay flat since my first back surgery when I was 12. When my discs started deteriorating five years ago, it hurt to lay on my left leg so now I only lay on my right.  I have very little strength or control of my left leg.   After I got pregnant with Savannah, I started to feel pain in my hips. It got diagnosed as bursitis. I can't lay on either side without pain. I used to be a world class sleeper. I could compete with anyone. More, now I wake up every couple hours in pain, all through the night. I'm in pain from the time I wake up till I go to bed. I have arthritis and degenerative disc disease. There is no doctor on this planet that thinks I should be playing pool. This isn't complaining. This is a FACT. So, understandably, when I can control the conditions, and ask for a racker when I'm competing as not to wear out my back, I do. If I can't, then I don't have to play. That's my choice. Fortunately, there are people that care about my condition and are understanding enough to provide me with a racker. It doesn't help me make the nineball and my opponent always has the same option to ask for a racker. So why am I dancing? Cuz I want to. Its my choice. No, the doctors don't recommend it. It's not good for my back, knees, shoulder, hips and it can cause more damage particularly to the deteriorating discs in my lower back as well as goodness knows what other risks. I don't know when I decided it but I just don't want to live in fear.  I want to do the things I want to do with no regrets.   I don't want my past to be an excuse for why my future isn't bright.  I can't help my past but I can help my future by making decisions based on what I dream for instead of what I fear. I can actually say that I really wanted to dance.  I've always wanted to dance.  I watched the show regularly,  recorded every episode as well as 'So You Think You Can Dance'.  I love to dance.  Never thought I could do it.  Nor did I have the time.  Then this opportunity showed up.  I don't want to say no to what I think is a once in a lifetime opportunity just because I'm AFRAID I can't do it.  Of COURSE I'm afraid I can't do it! I'm afraid of so many things!  I just don't ever wants let that fear stop me.  So,  I'm doing this!  I'm in agony but I'm happy as I've ever been!  Professional dance lessons was on my bucket list.  What better way to cross that off?  So, long story long,  I ask for a racker,  because I can,  and it's less painful.  I play pool because I love it. And I'm dancing because I love it.  The bottom line is,  this body of mine is deteriorating.  There's no cure.  So if it's gonna go, then I'm going to do and enjoy the things that my body can do,  even if it means testing the limits just to find out what they are.  I'm not live by my doubts, even though I have so many.  I'm gonna try not to be stupid.  Thanks to all my fans for your constant support. I know you really care about me.  I'm currently ranked third in the World by the WPBA and love pool as much as ever,I have six wonderful kids and a beautiful granddaughter, my husband loves me,  and I'm dancing!  I'm truly blessed. 

Devastated

Last night was so exciting. I competed on Korean national television on Dancing with the Stars. I just wanted to challenge myself and inspire others to go after the things they love despite their challenges. I love to dance even though I have pain, I'm weak, and I'm not flexible. According to every one, I put in more practice time than anyone else. The dry rehearsals that day went really well. No problems. At show time, I was so nervous but excited. My family and friends were there holding up signs. In the end, when it was time, I started off strong and somehow, Lost my timing, went too fast, and because of it, missed some steps. I'm not sure the viewers could tell but I knew it and the main judge knew it. I went too fast when I should have slowed down. I ended up tying for the lowest score. So sad. I felt so disappointed. WE did so great in rehearsal. I'm a champion, a pressure player. I'm supposed to rise to the pressure, not fall! I didn't expect to be at the top but I shouldn't be at the bottom. At least give me a score according to how I've been dancing....but instead, we scored a miserable showing....That's competition for you! I felt bad to my dance partner and to my family and friends who have given me so much support to do as much practice and preparation that I did. AAAArgh! I would send photos but we weren't allowed to send photos. I'll try to post some others tonight though. I spent four hours with teacher Hoosun Lee yesterday. He is really great. I can tell he's disappointed to but he says, we should just let it go and focus on Waltz. How do I arch my back when my back doesn't arch? With ILLUSION!! We have a long dress in waltz and I can bend at the knees. I'll do my best. We have two weeks before the next show, March 16th. It's a live show. Every week will be a live show! Hope you can watch the episodes and encourage all your Korean friends to vote. Here is the link http://www.imbc.com/broad/tv/ent/dancing_wstars3/vod/index.html Only people in Korea with cell phones can vote by text only. One vote per star per cell phone. Here's the link. I know I can't practice harder than I've been practicing. I physically can't. I have done as many hours as I can stand. I'm in the hospital regularly for treatment. In the gym for exercising and stretching, and hot pack and hot baths. With injections, my back, hips and knees are holding up okay but my ribs....torn tissue, bruised ribs....no good. It's being grabbed in the turns, spins, lifts.....and it might be my doom, but until I'm actually down, I'll keep fighting! Ugh. So, my main focus is on studying the choreography more when resting, listening to the music more when resting. I could do more of that. And in general, more positive thinking and less worrying. Easy for me to do in pool, but in dance, all that comes out and I need to remind myself that positive thinking and mental preparation is key to success! Nevertheless, I'm having a great time, learning so much, meeting great people....but.... I miss home... Love, J

Dancing my Life Away!

I finally get to share my news with you.  I'm in Korea to participate in Dancing with the Stars. What an opportunity!  I know what you're thinking!  "How can you do it,  Jeanette?!!" I know!  I can't bend to either side or backwards,  I can bend forward but with no arch, so I can't do a body wave....I have so many medical issues... but still!  I have heart!  I will try my best!  I told them my physical condition.  They are still willing to have me.  Thats all I need to know.

Did you know professional dance lessons was on my bucket list? I always thought it was so beautiful and fun. Some friends are saying, "You can't do this!  You're crazy!  You could get hurt!"

YES, I COULD!  You know what?  I could get hurt doing anything.  If I let my fear of failure or injury stop me from things,  I would never be a world champion or experience so many of the incredible things I have gotten to enjoy. Sometimes, MOST of the time, actually,  it's very hard work,  sometimes painful.  Sometimes,  things don't work out well in my favor. But in the end,  I have lived my life with no regrets, instead staying on my couch in my robe complaining about how much my back and body hurts, letting people feel sorry for me.

Please don't tell me I could fail. I'm 41 years old. I already know I could fail. But let me find out if, just maybe,  I could be great!  No matter how hard this will be, I will enjoy the journey.

If you live by fear,  you will always be the one watching others really live.  True courage is walking forward in the face of fear, not the absence of it.

If you compete only to win or lose, ultimately,  you will surely have your share of losses. But if you also do it to experience and enjoy the journey, then you never ever lose. You will always gain something. No matter how I do in this competition,  TRUST ME! I have already WON before I have even begun.  I am so happy to get this chance. The chance to learn something new, in the face of all obstacles,  a chance to grow as a human being,  and a chance to inspire. Of course I'm afraid I'll get hurt! Of course I might be a terrible dancer and humiliate myself!  No regrets! Atleast I have the courage to find out instead of letting my body and my fear determine what my future is. Let's Go! Fighting!  To the end!

I'll blog as often as I can and post photos.

Please stay in touch!  I'll also talk to you guys on my Facebook Fan Page /jeanetteleetheblackwidow