Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Why I'm dancing when I can't even rack the ball

I heard today that there were many comments made on the DWTS website about the Stars.  I asked about what people were saying about me and they said the best ones were that I was danced great considering my condition. The worst was a guy that seemed to be a pool player complaining that I go to tournaments complaining that I can't rack because of my back. .. and then here I
am dancing?  I never feel like answering to people that are obviously not fans nor do they care about me or want to actually hear an answer.  They are just hateful to complain on such a positive show. I do, however,  think it's a good topic. I thought it would be nice to share with those that DO matter.  I had/have fairly severe scoliosis. I also have bursitis in both shoulders so it grinds when I use them. I have trochenteric bursitis in both hips. It hurts to walk or lay on my dide. I have deteriorated discs in my neck which cause pain in my neck but also affects my nerves so I get nerve pain. I  have two deteriorated discs in my lower back L5 and L6 and I've been laying on my right side because my left leg hurts.  I have some neurological damage in my left leg and hips. It means my leg/hips at times feels really cold, sometimes itchy, throbbing, numb, needley, aching... in any combination of those. I have Parsonage Turner Syndrome, which means that I have pain, tingling and weakness in my upper left extremities including my neck, shoulder, armpit, inside of my arm straight down into the palm of my hand. Raising my arm above my heart hurts and feels like someone is trying to pull my arm off. I cannot lay down without pain. It has been painful to lay flat since my first back surgery when I was 12. When my discs started deteriorating five years ago, it hurt to lay on my left leg so now I only lay on my right.  I have very little strength or control of my left leg.   After I got pregnant with Savannah, I started to feel pain in my hips. It got diagnosed as bursitis. I can't lay on either side without pain. I used to be a world class sleeper. I could compete with anyone. More, now I wake up every couple hours in pain, all through the night. I'm in pain from the time I wake up till I go to bed. I have arthritis and degenerative disc disease. There is no doctor on this planet that thinks I should be playing pool. This isn't complaining. This is a FACT. So, understandably, when I can control the conditions, and ask for a racker when I'm competing as not to wear out my back, I do. If I can't, then I don't have to play. That's my choice. Fortunately, there are people that care about my condition and are understanding enough to provide me with a racker. It doesn't help me make the nineball and my opponent always has the same option to ask for a racker. So why am I dancing? Cuz I want to. Its my choice. No, the doctors don't recommend it. It's not good for my back, knees, shoulder, hips and it can cause more damage particularly to the deteriorating discs in my lower back as well as goodness knows what other risks. I don't know when I decided it but I just don't want to live in fear.  I want to do the things I want to do with no regrets.   I don't want my past to be an excuse for why my future isn't bright.  I can't help my past but I can help my future by making decisions based on what I dream for instead of what I fear. I can actually say that I really wanted to dance.  I've always wanted to dance.  I watched the show regularly,  recorded every episode as well as 'So You Think You Can Dance'.  I love to dance.  Never thought I could do it.  Nor did I have the time.  Then this opportunity showed up.  I don't want to say no to what I think is a once in a lifetime opportunity just because I'm AFRAID I can't do it.  Of COURSE I'm afraid I can't do it! I'm afraid of so many things!  I just don't ever wants let that fear stop me.  So,  I'm doing this!  I'm in agony but I'm happy as I've ever been!  Professional dance lessons was on my bucket list.  What better way to cross that off?  So, long story long,  I ask for a racker,  because I can,  and it's less painful.  I play pool because I love it. And I'm dancing because I love it.  The bottom line is,  this body of mine is deteriorating.  There's no cure.  So if it's gonna go, then I'm going to do and enjoy the things that my body can do,  even if it means testing the limits just to find out what they are.  I'm not live by my doubts, even though I have so many.  I'm gonna try not to be stupid.  Thanks to all my fans for your constant support. I know you really care about me.  I'm currently ranked third in the World by the WPBA and love pool as much as ever,I have six wonderful kids and a beautiful granddaughter, my husband loves me,  and I'm dancing!  I'm truly blessed. 


Blogger Greg said...

Dear Black Widow,

Thanks for this great post about your health situation. You would never know that you have to overcome so much. It's great to hear that you love what you are doing because so many people are not as fortunate. This means you are an inspiration to so many of us. May your determination continue to inspire others to live their dreams.

Your fan,

March 22, 2013 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Suki Ho said...

So happy to see you make your breakthrough:)
really awesome!!! keep going and take care
Support you:))

March 22, 2013 at 8:19 AM  
Blogger Mush said...

Good for you Jeanette. With all your pain you still want to live life, that simple. Enjoy. Marsha in Miami :)

April 12, 2013 at 10:19 AM  
Blogger Michelle Provancial said...

Congratulations on all your success, young lady! You're a beautiful lady, inside and out. I'm sorry you have to put up with negative comments from people who show their ignorance, or jealousy, I'm not sure which it is. Maybe both! lol At any rate, thank you for sharing a little bit of yourself with us. Know that we don't see the pain you feel - we see a beautiful woman, an awesome pool player, a devoted wife and mother, and a damn good-looking grandma! :) I will see you this weekend at the Four Bears Classic in New Town, and I'm hoping to shake the hand that shook the pool world! Take care, drive safely, that oil field traffic is terrible. And it's still cold here, so dress warmly! Have fun, and I hope you enjoy your time in North Dakota.

April 18, 2013 at 12:49 PM  
Blogger Jonathan Barneschi said...

I feel your pain and can sympathize with you. Although my 1st back surgery for L3-L4 was at age 22, the people around us will never know the pain and discomfort we tolerate day and night. Some days are better than others just like the people we come in contact with everyday. It was inspiring to read your story. I have been a long time admirer and fan and would have never known of your conditions. My hands are becoming arthritic, my shoulders and elbows are fading each year... but that does not stop me from living my life to it's fullest. I play in the Maine APA league and regardless of our doctors request to stop playing, the game runs in our blood! You dance your heart out and have been inspiring to many. Best wishes in your game, family and life.

April 19, 2013 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger robert rock8star said...

Truly inspirational!!!! God Bless!!!

June 5, 2013 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger Joann said...

Sounds like my MS ! I miss pool so much and hope to play again.

March 7, 2014 at 3:18 PM  

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