Devastated

Last night was so exciting. I competed on Korean national television on Dancing with the Stars. I just wanted to challenge myself and inspire others to go after the things they love despite their challenges. I love to dance even though I have pain, I'm weak, and I'm not flexible. According to every one, I put in more practice time than anyone else. The dry rehearsals that day went really well. No problems. At show time, I was so nervous but excited. My family and friends were there holding up signs. In the end, when it was time, I started off strong and somehow, Lost my timing, went too fast, and because of it, missed some steps. I'm not sure the viewers could tell but I knew it and the main judge knew it. I went too fast when I should have slowed down. I ended up tying for the lowest score. So sad. I felt so disappointed. WE did so great in rehearsal. I'm a champion, a pressure player. I'm supposed to rise to the pressure, not fall! I didn't expect to be at the top but I shouldn't be at the bottom. At least give me a score according to how I've been dancing....but instead, we scored a miserable showing....That's competition for you! I felt bad to my dance partner and to my family and friends who have given me so much support to do as much practice and preparation that I did. AAAArgh! I would send photos but we weren't allowed to send photos. I'll try to post some others tonight though. I spent four hours with teacher Hoosun Lee yesterday. He is really great. I can tell he's disappointed to but he says, we should just let it go and focus on Waltz. How do I arch my back when my back doesn't arch? With ILLUSION!! We have a long dress in waltz and I can bend at the knees. I'll do my best. We have two weeks before the next show, March 16th. It's a live show. Every week will be a live show! Hope you can watch the episodes and encourage all your Korean friends to vote. Here is the link http://www.imbc.com/broad/tv/ent/dancing_wstars3/vod/index.html Only people in Korea with cell phones can vote by text only. One vote per star per cell phone. Here's the link. I know I can't practice harder than I've been practicing. I physically can't. I have done as many hours as I can stand. I'm in the hospital regularly for treatment. In the gym for exercising and stretching, and hot pack and hot baths. With injections, my back, hips and knees are holding up okay but my ribs....torn tissue, bruised ribs....no good. It's being grabbed in the turns, spins, lifts.....and it might be my doom, but until I'm actually down, I'll keep fighting! Ugh. So, my main focus is on studying the choreography more when resting, listening to the music more when resting. I could do more of that. And in general, more positive thinking and less worrying. Easy for me to do in pool, but in dance, all that comes out and I need to remind myself that positive thinking and mental preparation is key to success! Nevertheless, I'm having a great time, learning so much, meeting great people....but.... I miss home... Love, J